Kermode's Advent Calendar A fun advent calendar of Kermode's memorable rants/reviews from Five Live:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/fivelive/kermode/adventcal...

For those that don't know who he is, try Wikipedia.

Caribbean rant was good. And I like Caribbean. Far all it's faults.

Todays Zidane rant was right on the money. We did a 'Premiere' of it and the people involved were just falling over themselves in their praise of this film. Trying to convince anyone who'd listen that this was an important piece of work. 2 minutes of it is enough to get the point. 90 of them is a cure for insomnia. Watching it for its full running time would be like waiting for a turd to make it's way to meet the cool still surface waters of a toilet pan.

No there's an idea for all you conceptual artists out there. Actually wait. It's already been done. There's an 'atriste' called Martin Creed who's done just that. It's a film shot on a white stage where a succession of people walk on, squat and pinch a loaf on camera. It's called (and is) S**T FILM. Sorry for the swearing but it's his title.

This guy is a Turner prize winner and it's a sequel to his other film called Sick Film. Same format. You can fill in the rest. Have a look at his website. He's responsible for 'Light turning on and off in a room' and my personal favourite was 'stack of plywood in a room'. It took me a while to figure out where I'd sen that one before but then it hit me. This guy must have worked at B&Q in a previous incarnation. Genius.

You see now I don't know if you're being sarcastic or not.

I should really qualify my rant against Zidane. I don't, how shall I put this, 'follow football', so please don't be put of watching it based on my ramblings. Did you buy Zidane or is it a sent copy with a view to review?

If you have to review the disc you could save time by fast forwarding through it as there is a lot of slo-mo in it. In realtime, the film is probably about 20 minutes.

Kermade's last words on New World, 'fanciful, undisciplined wiffle'. I love this guy. I will be looking to incorporate the word 'wiffle' into everyday speach from now on.

I'm sure we could come to some arrangement