Rocky vs Rambo DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC
 
Rocky: Ain’t no bum; good at taking punches, sparring, keeping his idiot brother-in-law out of trouble
Rambo: Ain’t no coward; good at handling ordnance, helping helpless, improvising elaborate death-traps out of bamboo and snot
ADVANTAGE: RAMBO – good luck relying on essential dignity when there are a hundred mercenaries coming over that hill
 
LITERARY INSPIRATIONS
 
Rocky: Don Quixote, forever dreaming the impossible dream of winning the next big fight
Rambo: Frankenstein’s Monster, if you buy into the theory that his military training made him who he is; also Beast, as in “Beauty and the”, and maybe even the Hulk
ADVANTAGE: RAMBO – sorry, but “tragic monster” always beats “starry-eyed dreamer” in these situations
 
STAGING AREAS
 
Rocky: Philadelphia, New York City, Soviet Union, Las Vegas
Rambo: Pacific Northwest, Vietnam, Afghanistan, Burma
ADVANTAGE: RAMBO, although it’s unlikely he ever registered for a frequent-flyer program
 
WORST DECISION
 
Rocky: Buying that robot in Rocky IV; also, trusting idiot brother-in-law to manage investments and endorsement deals
Rambo: Going into occupied Afghanistan to help the mujahedeen repel their Soviet conquerors, laying the groundwork for the rise of Islamic fundamentalism
ADVANTAGE: ROCKY – say what you will about that robot, but it never subjugated women, banned music and/or blew up those giant Buddha statues
 
SIDEKICKS
 
Rocky: Goldfish, idiot brother-in-law, series of really ugly dogs
Rambo: Richard Crenna, hot Vietnamese chick, Osama Bin Laden (see above), well-read British sharpshooter
ADVANTAGE: ROCKY – sorry, but enabling the making of The Kite Runner is something you don’t just shrug off
 
NERVOUS COPING MECHANISM
 
Rocky: Talks a lot, shuffles around, says stuff he probably shouldn’t say
Rambo: Kills another truckload of guerillas, finds his happy place
ADVANTAGE: RAMBO – though Rocky’s the one who can sleep at night
 
THEME MUSIC
 
Rocky: “Gonna Fly Now”, “Eye of the Tiger”, Frank Stallone’s “Take You Back”
Rambo: “It’s a Long Road”, Frank Stallone’s “Peace in Our Life”
ADVANTAGE: ROCKY – you hear “Gonna Fly Now” and your blood doesn’t start pumping, you’re probably already dead
 
SYMBOL OF TRIUMPH
 
Rocky: Still standing at the end of the bout, finds love of good woman
Rambo: Victorious in battle, bathed in the blood of the dead
TIE – because every man defines his own victory

Rambo would win as he is a trained killer, has a knife, and a variety of big guns that would kill Mr Balboa to death.

Why the need for the long list?

The early reviews of the new John Rambo movie reckon it's one of the most gory and violent movies ever.  Nice to see that 'ol Sly didn't go down the Die Hard 4 pg-13 watered down route.

Stallone uses growth hormone's. They obviously don't work. He's still only about 5'9" isn't he?

Seriously, I don't think he can do anything but defends his use of them. He can't deny it. What 60 year old do you know that looks like him?