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Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo is the follow-up to the 1999 surprise hit, Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo. Once again staring the flat and unfunny Rob Schneider in the titular role, European Gigolo manages to steep so low that you’ll be left wondering why this film was even released to theatres and not straight to DVD. Yes, it really is that bad; so bad in fact that it might just be a noteworthy contender for the worst film of 2005 award. Forget I said that, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo is the worst film of 2005.

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
Where do I start with the criticisms? First of all, the film is just flat-out sickening to watch. It’s mixture of gross-out comedy—some of which I will not mention just to spare the images it will conjure in your mind’s eye—which was not funny and it was not one bit creative, it was just awful. The film is also highly politically incorrect, but of the unfunny variety. If you want to make a comedy that is politically incorrect, then it should at least make us laugh, not squirm and reach for the remote.

Its lack of a story is another thing that contributes to the failure. In fact the only thing in the way of scripting is of a mysterious gigolo killer on the loose to rid all of Amsterdam’s male prostitutes from the streets. The rest of the film is stuffed full of ridiculous sight gags and lame jokes, none of which work and none of which will inspire you to laugh or even chuckle.

There is not one positive thing to say about this film; not a single one. The acting was awful, the slapstick was so far over the top that it practically disappeared out of sight, the story, or lack of story, was atrocious, and for film that is listed under the comedy genre, there wasn’t a single laugh on offer. Never has the phrase ‘avoid like the plague’ meant as much as it does here.

To end this review, I would like to quote one of my favourite film critics on a film he reviewed way back in 1994. The film was called North, the critic was none other than Chicago Sun Times’ very own Roger Ebert. What he had to say about that film fits my exact thoughts on Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo.

‘I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.’

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
The DVD transfer for European Gigolo is decent, but nothing special. The colours are often pleasant and quite vibrant, but sometimes they are a little overdone. Some scenes were a bit contrasty, other’s overly grainy, but on the whole the image is sharp and mostly solid.

So the film sucks, but the video transfer is decent, what about the audio then? Well, though the sound palette for European Gigolo isn’t exactly varied, it does sound decent for the most part. Dialogue is always distinguishable (which is a shame because the film might have been a bit better if it wasn’t) but with a lack of directional audio and practically no LFE signals to process, the Dolby Digital 5.1 track feels underused.

First up, there is a two-part making-of feature called ‘Behind the Gigolo’. I am sorry to say that this feature is almost as bad as the film itself. Seeing the making of a film I hate is one thing, but to see the group of people responsible for this utter tripe raving on about how funny and imaginative it is, is sickening. How on earth any of them could honestly think that what they were creating was genuine comedy is beyond me. At one point Schneider even declares that this is ‘great cinema’.

‘The Casting Lounge’ is a five minute feature about the casing of the ‘window washing’ scene. It is essentially just a porn-feat with several girls taking their tops off—perhaps the highlight of the DVD? You decide. ‘TJ’s Float Crib’ is an MTV like spoof, while ‘So You Want to Be a Man-Whore’ is lame beyond how words can describe as we are shown spoof gigolo products. Lastly, there is a Comedy Central feature that runs for twenty minutes, ‘Man-Ho 101’ and ‘deleted scenes’.

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
Avoid this film. Don’t rent it, don’t buy it, don’t think of it, and don’t even recall that it exists. Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo is a film I unfortunately had to endure, but I would hate to think that you had to do the same. I lost an hour and a half of my life with this garbage, an hour and half I will never be able to get back. You would be unwise to let it waste yours too. The DVD is also poor, save for its decent audio and visual presentation. But is that seriously enough for you to want to buy this film? I thought not.