Dinoshark (UK - DVD R2)
Marcus tackles this month's monster combined with another monster movie
Out of an iceberg comes a prehistoric tadpole and now three years later (giving it time to grow of course) a local tourist destination is getting some unexplained attacks, and just when it doesn’t sound Roger Corman typical enough for you, the prehistoric creature is a Dinoshark!!
After Stonehenge Apocalypse, Sinbad and the Minataur and Sharktopus over the last few months, all of these DTV titles are beginning to merge into one. With their Baywatch style acting, their terrible dialogue, their more than terrible special effects and just general awfulness, I can’t work out if I’m growing accustomed to their badness or if Dinoshark felt a little bit slicker than the others.
I’m not sure what it was exactly. Eric Balfour was about as bad as he was in Skyline, no one else does much better with their “lay out the god-awful plot at every available moment” dialogue and even though the effects for Dinoshark were much better than Sharktopus (not hard) I found myself watching this recycled plot with a little bit more willingness to get involved. Well until about the half-way point anyway... I'm only human after all.
I don’t want to spend ages dissing the movie because these low budget monster-fests are what they are and given the right environment they can be a blast. I just lose the will to watch once the grindingly bad characters begin going through the watered down Jaws motions. Balfour and his co actors broodily staring off to the distance trying to add weight to their situation might work if it wasn’t for the daytime TV score trying to muster up a mood. There are too many things that are a mish-mash for it to work for me. If they were just out for laughs I might warm to it or if it was a bit more grisly with the attacks that could ramp it up. Hell, recently Piranha 3D more than showed how to strike a fine balance and balance is what’s sorely missing here. Oh and entertainment. That’s missing too.
Once again this DTV monster flick looks exactly like a nineties TV show. Same sun drenched location, same grain filled visuals and the same bad presentation of the bad special effects. Speeded up film made the effects look worse as per usual and the textures on that Dinoshark are not convincing at all. The overall image is quite colourful due to the warm sunshine but it's very grubby and any and all detail is lost in the soft image with the wider shots looking dreadful.
The 5.1 option does the basics but really only takes full effect when the score kicks in as everything else lives in the centre speaker throughout. Dialogue is okay, with some of the sea based scenes not holding up so well and the action scenes tend to sound like a wave of noise as opposed to a layered mix of screams, dialogue and Dinoshark noises. Overall, this whole mix sounds like a TV movie (as expected) so don’t expect too much from it.
There were no features on this one. Ahhh and there was me hoping for a Jaws anniversary style affair. Maybe in twenty-five years’ time we’ll get one.
Dinoshark was a little bit better than the other DTV dross I’ve seen lately but that doesn’t stop it being exactly the same movie with a different combination of monsters. The effects are also a slight step up but are not consistent enough to be considered good, and the less said about the actors, the score and recycled plot the better.
The disc itself is barebones with bargain bin A/V, so I’m not sure what the best scenario for picking up this movie might be but I bet it would involve beers and a pizza and a whole room full of people ready to laugh at cheap monster movies' ever decreasing appeal. Seriously just go pick up Piranha 3D, it’s so much more fun.
Review by Marcus Doidge
Suitable only for persons of 15 years and over
Release Date: 2nd May 2011
Disc Type: Single side, dual layer
Audio: Dolby Digital 5.1 English, Dolby Stereo 2.0 English
Easter Egg: No
Director: Kevin O'Neal
Cast: Eric Balfour, Iva Hasperger
Genre: Drama and Horror
Length: 90 minutes
Follow our updates
OTHER INTERESTING STUFF
Lights Out US - DVD R1 | BD RA Avatar US - DVD R1 | BD RA Philomena US - DVD R1 | BD RA Star Wars Rebels: Season Two US - DVD R1 | BD RA Batman: Return of the Caped Crusaders US - DVD R1 | BD RA
Joe Lynch DVD | HD | BD David Hayter US - DVD R1 | BD RA SXSW Film 2013 - Part 1 US - DVD | HD | BD Will streaming kill physical media? DVD | HD | BD Gabe's 2012 Wrap-Up DVD | BD
New Easter Eggs
Star Wars: The Clone Wars - The Complete Season Two UK - BD Memento UK - BD RB Battlestar Galactica: The Plan UK - BD Moon UK - BD Star Wars: The Clone Wars - The Complete Season One UK - BD