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Please, make it stop, make it stop! What can I say about this horrible thing, this monstrous, disastrous thing? If I could write a review at a length to suit my feelings of this film, then it would only be one word: Crap. Seriously, that would be my entire review, unless of course I stretched it out by using words such as; pathetic, lame, painful, awful, cheap, tacky, trash, abysmal, mundane and so on and so forth. In that case, I could roll it out quite extensively by using all the profane language I could muster.

DS1
Movie
On a few occasions I have watched some of the review discs I get with my younger brother. On this particular one he sat by my side as the film began. Interestingly, my brother – who is into things such as Fox Kids and all the tacky ‘tea-time’ animation crammed onto that channel – gave up on Droids within fifteen minutes of watching. I almost fell asleep myself, but its constant thundering in my ears and awful dialogue prevented me from a good nap.

I don’t know where to begin. I could slate this film until the apocalypse comes, but to say anything good about it seems quite unlikely. Perhaps there was one thing however, come to think of it. I suppose the fact that Anthony Daniels reprises his voice for C3PO does add a bit of quality. But everything else is pure toxic wasted trodden garbage. The animation is pathetically bad; it is so bad in fact that it looks like the whole thing was drawn up by a pre-school toddler, torn apart, sellotaped back together again quite sloppily and finally thrown in the trash.

After the appalling animation, it’s hard to imagine any aspect of this production being any worse, so don’t even get me started on the music! If at all possible, it is genuinely more abysmal than the animation itself. It’s electronic and consists of about three different notes which repeats over and over and over and over again without pause. Even the voice acting is bad, which is of course fuelled by some of the most laughably bad dialogue I have ever heard, and never wish to hear again. My ears were practically bleeding after viewing this disc, as were my eyes.

DS2
There’s no real plot to Droids either. It keeps rambling on and on endlessly, then the characters suddenly find themselves in a new location, then more droning on, and more wasteful venturing. And so the cycle continues, like a circle of clichés destined to repeat. It’s a cycle that can never be broken, or so it would seem. That’s basically it for the entirety of its runtime, which I am sad to say is pretty lengthy. Just for the record however, there are two features on the disc: ‘The Pirates and the Prince’ and ‘Treasure of the Hidden Planet’.

Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to go and lie down and clear my mind, maybe go to the gym or do some sort of activity to clear my mind of what I have seen and heard. No, I need a therapist I think, and some very strong medication. If you have any sense at all, you will avoid this DVD like the plague and forget it even exists. Please, heed my advice, please! When a nine-year-old rolls his eyes and proclaims with vigilance that it was awful, you know to keep away.

DS3
Video
Bad! Pure and utter bad! As I said before, the animation is appalling, and the picture quality is equally as bad to be honest. I have seen considerably better quality on VHS come to think of it. Everything is blocky and pretty muddy overall, and there is more grain present on this transfer the entire of the Sahara desert. What’s more, this full frame aspect just doesn’t look good on a widescreen television. Did I mention the animation was pants?

Audio
Audio-wise, the disc suffers once more with horrid sound overall. The Dolby surround just feels flat and uncharacteristic. Everything is dull and constrained. The sound effects, some of which have clearly been ripped directly from the films without being created anew, sound as if they were underwater most of the time. Dialogue is another problem here with voices sounding extremely muffled as if the actors were wearing breathing equipment – no doubt due to the stench emanating from the script…

Extras
Nothing. The menus are a royal pain in the ass to navigate because once you enter one of the sub-menus there is no way to get back to the main menu without ejecting the disc and booting it up again.

DS4
Overall
Right, assuming you have even read this review, and for the first time in my days at DVD Answers I sincerely hope you are not, please erase all knowledge of this film from you minds in whatever way you can think of. Then spend some quality time with the actual Star Wars films, don’t bother with this drivel. I’d bump it up a notch just for Anthony Daniels, but sadly not even he can redeem this crud. The DVD itself is also a major no-no; there are no features, just crap menus and very poor audio/video aspects.


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