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Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse; Droids and Ewoks are coming to a DVD store near you and it's bad, oh, it's very, very bad. Listen up kids and adults, it would be wise to take a lesson from the saying, ‘ignorance is bliss’. If you forget these films were ever made, your lives will be much happier, or at least a little. I have warned you, now the rest is up to you…

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Movie
In all truth, I hated this DVD so much I nearly cried. Ewok Adventures is just plain and utter trite. I could think of more obscene and coarse words to use, but it might offend some of our readers, not to mention get me permanently barred from reviewing ever again. That’s how much I loathed this, that’s why I am fighting off the bad language as I type every word. Suffice to say, the road you are about to travel gets very bumpy indeed.

George Lucas: a man of pride, a man of wealth and a man of undisputed talent. But I just don’t understand why this man, a man who is behind some of the biggest, greatest films of all time, would allow this garbage to be made. Anyone who has any suitably sarcastic comment to make regarding The Phantom Menace right about now would be missing the point. I know the prequel trilogy is regarded as ‘garbage’ by some, but the Ewok/Droid Animated Adventures and the live action version of Ewok are just disgustingly bad. I was disappointed with The Phantom Menace like many, but these are just abysmal beyond belief.

In my Droids review, I commented that the animation was well beyond poor and, as the same studio also produced this, you can expect the exact same, only with different settings and such. There are two features: ‘The Haunted Village’ and ‘Tales from Endor Woods’. To be honest a painted wall has more character and charm than the entirety of Ewok Adventures. I kid you not.

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As for the story, I am not even sure there was one! It just seemed to be a constant pantomime of Ewoks scurrying about, emitting god-awful dialogue and wandering about having no clue as to what was going on. Maybe it was just me who had long since dozed off, dreaming of fast cars, naked women and… Ahem.

Just to make things a little worse, you also have the monotonous music and corny voice acting to sink it further still into the pits of doom and eternal suffering. But like Droids, it all goes well beyond being just simply corny and strays into much worse territory. This isn’t just voice acting, this is a bunch of people they have pulled off the streets and forced them to read lines of ‘made up on the spot’ dialogue. Or at least it sounds like that. The sad truth it that many of these voice actors are probably quite talented and to see them plunge this low and deliver these pitiful lines of dialogue is pretty upsetting.

I will admit that Ewok Adventures wasn’t ‘quite’ as bad as Droids, but it was still amazingly bad. To my knowledge, I have never in my whole life seen anything quite as bad as this and its counterpart. Yes, I have witnessed some pretty lame films and cartoons in my time, but the Ewok and Droid Adventures were the worst of any I have ever seen. That is no exaggeration; I can assure you of that. Frankly, I’d rather watch Glitter than put up with another moment of Ewok Adventures.

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Video
The image quality of Ewok is comparable to that of Droids in that it stinks, big time. It’s grainy, muddy, completely lacking clarity and most of all its totally uncharacteristic. It is of course in 1.33:1 full frame, and looks as bad as Droids, even though this animation is a tad more colourful thanks to its forest-bound locales.

But even those endless green forests can’t save it; you’ve still got the poor illustrations, character design and the equally flawed and laughable lip-syncing. I also noticed the animation quality would vary quite badly too. One moment a scene would cut to another which would look totally misplaced. It’s as if different scenes were drawn-up by artistically mismatched people. Very weird, and very distracting.

Audio
The Dolby Surround sounds cold and murky, as was the case with Droids. The dialogue is also bad, as mentioned above, both in terms of its quality and audio presentation. As for the ambient noises and sound effects, some of which are seemingly and quite obviously riped from the original trilogy, come across pretty shallow and uncertain. There really isn’t much else to say about the sound to be honest, other than to say it sounds vile and decrepit.

Extras
Nothing: only boring menus to the tune of that hideous music which will eventually drive you nuts. It rings in your ears for hours after viewing this disc. You will also find that once you enter either animated feature on the main menu it becomes quite impossible to backtrack; so an ejection of the disc becomes necessary. Sure you could just stop the disc and press play again, or like I said, eject it, but it takes you though the same 20th Century Fox logo screen, time after time. Why is there no ‘Main Menu’ tab?

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Overall
Avoid at all costs. I said the same for both Droids and the live action Ewok Adventures. While Ewok isn’t as bad as Droids, it comes pretty close at being the worst animation the world has ever seen. The DVD itself is an awful disc. There are no features, only problem-stricken menus and poor audio/video elements. What more needs to be said? What are you even doing still reading this review, click the back button immediately and go pre-order your Revenge of the Sith tickets!


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